Shirley was taught to put others' needs before her own. She usually gets stuck with office "odd jobs." Jerry keeps getting promoted into administrative roles he dislikes. Although he does a great job, he prefers working with people.
Many employees don't stand up for themselves and express their feelings. They're not assertive enough!. Assertive behavior differs from aggressive behavior. Aggressive people accomplish goals at all costs. They can be brutal, manipulative, threatening. Assertive people let others know what they want while preserving their own dignity and that of others.
Do you get the kind of work you want? Do others take advantage of you?
Are you assertive?
Answer "yes" or "no:"
1. It's difficult to say "no" when asked to do something I don't enjoy.
2. I set limits on my time and energy.
3. I put others' needs before my own.
4. I ask for help when needed.
5. I accomplish my goals even at the expense of others
6. I stand up for myself when my rights are violated
7. At work, I usually avoid conflict.
8. I feel good about myself.
9. I lack clear goals.
10. When speaking, I maintain eye contact.
11. It's difficult for me to make "cold calls" to prospective employers or clients.
12. I can compromise my principles and still get something accomplished.
Scoring: 1 for "yes" to even numbered statements, and "no" to odd numbered ones. Add your points.
The higher your score, the more assertive your are. Eight or lower suggests you should consider becoming more assertive.
Tips for Becoming More Assertive
- Recognize that you need to change. Write down three recent incidents where you wish you had been more assertive. Indicate what you really wanted to do.
List three things you need to change to become more assertive. When will you change one of these?
- Establish appropriate limits for your personal and professional life. Start by expressing your feelings to people you trust.
Set limits on your time and energy. Let others know these. If you don't want to do it, give it, or go to it, politely say "no." If you don't want to have lunch with co-workers, say so.
Express support for, and defend your opinions. Consider stating your ideas at the next meeting. You have value and your opinions count.
- Take care of yourself. You can't give to others what you don't have for yourself. Look after your physical, intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual needs. Prioritize your needs. How can you fulfill your highest need?
- Clarify and pursue your purpose. What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime? What's your driving desire? Write this down. You're stronger, and more creative, productive and assertive when you pursue your purpose. Focus on your mission. This enables you to avoid irrelevant tasks.
A mission requires clear goals. Outline goals and plans that will take you to where you want to go.
- Rehearse phone skills. Rehearse business calls. Follow-up employment interviews with calls to determine where you stand in the hiring process. Plan your script ahead of time. Practice. Get feedback from someone you trust. Give yourself a pep talk before phoning.
- Enhance confidence. Accept yourself. List six positive personality traits you possess and six accomplishments. Post these where you can see them daily.
State positive affirmations several times a day. When you catch yourself saying something negative, replace it with a positive word or phrase.
Read inspirational books and listen to positive message tapes.
- Send positive, confident, nonverbal cues. Watch body language. Communication involves not only what we say, but how we say it. When talking to others maintain eye contact. This conveys honesty and confidence. Sit or stand at the other person's level. Hold your head high, shoulders back. Keep your hands relaxed. Avoid unnecessary fidgeting. Speak in a level, modulated tone.
- Associate with positive, supportive people. They remind us of our strengths and give needed encouragement. Becoming more assertive will enable you to achieve your career goals. Because you'll feel in control of your career -- and life, you'll also be healthier, happier and live longer.
For more helpful advice, check out Questers Dare To Change, found in profile above.
For more helpful advice, check out Questers Dare To Change, found in profile above.